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Religion is No Joke
Seriously.
I know I don't have a life at the moment so I did the last thing that I'd probably did last year.
Helping Granny with these so called 'Hindu ceremony' stuff and start praying daily.
I was raised a Hindu, but to say that I'm not so religious would be an understatement.
(I haven't prayed on all our so called holy-and-important days for almost three years. Three friggin years, geddit?)
Not that I don't believe in God.
I do, believe me.
(Though it made me think about this brief talk my dad and I had last night.
I never really understand communist. So I asked my dad, what the heck communist is.
"People who doesn't have a religion but still believe in God."
Uh, okay Dad. And beyond that???
Like if that's communism is all about, then what the heck is so wrong with that?
I mean,okay, without religion, some people think you sorta don't have a guide as to what to do in life.
But I think we just simply have to do good. Yes, by simply doing good stuff, we can get by in life nicely.
Like I believe in God, but still confused if I have to choose a religion, growing up with two different faiths each my mom and dad employ. But I understand my goods and bads perfectly, and hard as it is, not to be tempted doing the bad everytime and start venturing to the good side.
Is that such a bad thing?
Am I a communist?
Oh, hell.)
It's just I have trouble following the so called rules my (current and certified) religion needs me to obey and keeping the lesson close to my own heart.
Thing is, I just don't know. or understand.
You see, I don't choose it myself, to be a Hindu.
My dad is (though my mom's not). His family is. So naturally (whether it's a lil bit unfair, I know not), being Eastern people with the fraternal or whatever rule that is that dictates us to follow our dads, I became one.
Not asked or anything. I became one.
I don't really mind, actually, being Hindu.
Though we Balinese have all those complicated things to do involving coconut leaves, flowers, and knives; which after witnessing what my Granny and all these Balinese women do (or suffer?) in the seventeen years of my life, I'm not sure I'll follow this sorta lifestyle and rule when I'm older and/ married (which is one of the reason I promised myself not to set a heart on Balinese guys).
It's hard work after all.
What irks me is that my lack (and other people's too) of information why I should do all those stuffs too. Like "mebanten" (what we Hindus call serving and praying to God daily is) and "rahinan" (the so-called Holy days). And all those "jejahitan" (the heavy stuff we do before the holy days).
Like hello, if I'm gonna waste my time and energy (believe me, we Balinese do) doing something, I at least expect to know the purpose and the meaning of it.
People always say I'm too serious and an extremely curious girl.
Like whenever I see a painting, I always wonder how the artist know how to mix all the colors and make it beautiful, where to put the color, what brushes they used.
Like the mechanism of our body, how our cars work, and those stuff.
Now, I ask a lot of question, whenever I see Frankie "metanding" (what we Balinese call arranging flowers on the flower-shaped coconut leaves), like what are ginger and onion on the "segehan" supposed to be? Like are they supposed to be some sort of symbol of God or something?
"Dunno. Never ask. That's just the way it is," she said.
Oh, and, "why do you ask so much anyway?!"
Geez. Whaddaya expect? Of course I ask.
And just this morning when I helped Granny stick some sort of coconut leaves with flowers on another leaves (God, I know it seems so bogus to y'all, God knows it does to me), what the heck does it mean and why we have to do them, yaknow, considering she's an oldie and have done these stuff practically all her life, I presumed she just knew.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
"That's just the way it is."
Arggghhhhh!!!!!
I felt like shaking her, seriously.
But I didn't.
Frustration were trashing in my head fro the hundreth time.
Geez! The woman'd done it over and over again and she said she didn't have the slightest idea what it meant!
Can you imagine??????!!!!
Well, now I tried so hard to accept that, clueless people doing something for no reason.
But I just can't.
Maybe I'll kill myself (mentally, of course, no one have ever died of curiosity before. Right?) wondering and trying to figure it out.
But I was sure as heck not just gonna cluelessly (is that even a word) work my ass off doing something so meaningless and alien to me for nothing.
So, God, wherever you are. I have faith in You. But You just have to wait and see when I'm gonna start taking "the path", and by that decided which religion is best suited for me.
But I guess I should just be satisfied with what I am, untill I see anything better comes along.
That's enough for now.
.
I know I don't have a life at the moment so I did the last thing that I'd probably did last year.
Helping Granny with these so called 'Hindu ceremony' stuff and start praying daily.
I was raised a Hindu, but to say that I'm not so religious would be an understatement.
(I haven't prayed on all our so called holy-and-important days for almost three years. Three friggin years, geddit?)
Not that I don't believe in God.
I do, believe me.
(Though it made me think about this brief talk my dad and I had last night.
I never really understand communist. So I asked my dad, what the heck communist is.
"People who doesn't have a religion but still believe in God."
Uh, okay Dad. And beyond that???
Like if that's communism is all about, then what the heck is so wrong with that?
I mean,okay, without religion, some people think you sorta don't have a guide as to what to do in life.
But I think we just simply have to do good. Yes, by simply doing good stuff, we can get by in life nicely.
Like I believe in God, but still confused if I have to choose a religion, growing up with two different faiths each my mom and dad employ. But I understand my goods and bads perfectly, and hard as it is, not to be tempted doing the bad everytime and start venturing to the good side.
Is that such a bad thing?
Am I a communist?
Oh, hell.)
It's just I have trouble following the so called rules my (current and certified) religion needs me to obey and keeping the lesson close to my own heart.
Thing is, I just don't know. or understand.
You see, I don't choose it myself, to be a Hindu.
My dad is (though my mom's not). His family is. So naturally (whether it's a lil bit unfair, I know not), being Eastern people with the fraternal or whatever rule that is that dictates us to follow our dads, I became one.
Not asked or anything. I became one.
I don't really mind, actually, being Hindu.
Though we Balinese have all those complicated things to do involving coconut leaves, flowers, and knives; which after witnessing what my Granny and all these Balinese women do (or suffer?) in the seventeen years of my life, I'm not sure I'll follow this sorta lifestyle and rule when I'm older and/ married (which is one of the reason I promised myself not to set a heart on Balinese guys).
It's hard work after all.
What irks me is that my lack (and other people's too) of information why I should do all those stuffs too. Like "mebanten" (what we Hindus call serving and praying to God daily is) and "rahinan" (the so-called Holy days). And all those "jejahitan" (the heavy stuff we do before the holy days).
Like hello, if I'm gonna waste my time and energy (believe me, we Balinese do) doing something, I at least expect to know the purpose and the meaning of it.
People always say I'm too serious and an extremely curious girl.
Like whenever I see a painting, I always wonder how the artist know how to mix all the colors and make it beautiful, where to put the color, what brushes they used.
Like the mechanism of our body, how our cars work, and those stuff.
Now, I ask a lot of question, whenever I see Frankie "metanding" (what we Balinese call arranging flowers on the flower-shaped coconut leaves), like what are ginger and onion on the "segehan" supposed to be? Like are they supposed to be some sort of symbol of God or something?
"Dunno. Never ask. That's just the way it is," she said.
Oh, and, "why do you ask so much anyway?!"
Geez. Whaddaya expect? Of course I ask.
And just this morning when I helped Granny stick some sort of coconut leaves with flowers on another leaves (God, I know it seems so bogus to y'all, God knows it does to me), what the heck does it mean and why we have to do them, yaknow, considering she's an oldie and have done these stuff practically all her life, I presumed she just knew.
Boy, was I ever wrong.
"That's just the way it is."
Arggghhhhh!!!!!
I felt like shaking her, seriously.
But I didn't.
Frustration were trashing in my head fro the hundreth time.
Geez! The woman'd done it over and over again and she said she didn't have the slightest idea what it meant!
Can you imagine??????!!!!
Well, now I tried so hard to accept that, clueless people doing something for no reason.
But I just can't.
Maybe I'll kill myself (mentally, of course, no one have ever died of curiosity before. Right?) wondering and trying to figure it out.
But I was sure as heck not just gonna cluelessly (is that even a word) work my ass off doing something so meaningless and alien to me for nothing.
So, God, wherever you are. I have faith in You. But You just have to wait and see when I'm gonna start taking "the path", and by that decided which religion is best suited for me.
But I guess I should just be satisfied with what I am, untill I see anything better comes along.
That's enough for now.
.
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