To Do IT, or Not? : Classic Dillema of an Eastern Culture-Raised Teenager

I always overthink stuffs. That's fine. I accepted it a long time ago. I also had had it down long ago that it's hopeless of me to pretend to be some sort of typical Eastern-culture raised teenager, because for an Eastern-culture raised teenager, I'm much too liberal and individual. Too outspoken. Too sensible to do something just because I'm told that's the right thing, or even to follow some illogical rules laid down by some dead dudes or whomever.

So it doesn't come as a surprise that I think about SEX. Or the possibility of HAVING SEX.

You see, in my culture, or say in my country; having sex before marriage is... well, to say it's frowned upon is just playing it down too much. Liken to sinning is much more accurate.

Although, I don't know whether it's in spite of it or because of it (after all, forbidding something is bound to make people wanna do it all the more), but in Indonesia, including Bali, people actually DO have sex before marriage. No surprise there. Yeah, they DO. It's just people don't really talk about it. Which actually makes it all the more hypocritical.

Especially since a few months ago, there's this huge scandal breaking, about a big band singer having sex with his girlfriend (and some other woman too). On video. Yeah, there was this big ruckus about it, like everyone talked about how degrading and sick and inappropriate it is. Especially the religious guys. And that band singer is now in jail because some dude from a stupid organization that has nothing whatsoever to do with the guy demanded he go to jail and sued him.

And all the while all I can think about was , "WHAATTT??!! THAT'S NON OF YOU GUYS' GODDAMN BUSINESS!" I mean, come on! I don't really care about Indonesian celebrities, cause really why would you? But the thing is, what he did (namely, having sex with his girlfriend), in my opinion, is his business. If according to his religion (Islam) that by doing it, he sinned, then so he did. If by law, that too is offensive, then he's the one who'll bear the punishment.

Must everyone ganged up on this guy's case all the time? How is his sin any of your concern?

Because I saw all these people condemning him and trying to sell the idea that he is evil and a sinner and blahblahblah and that you shouldn't do that (SBM = sex before marriage). As if they fell like they're responsible of telling people off sinning, like all those sinnings the guy did were his concern. What about freedom of act?? Besides all those guys (I keep on saying this, I know) probably do that (SBM) too anyway, or at least their children must have. Now have they thought about THAT??

Sure, it's the common unspoken rule here, and some people do really believe itm have faith in this no SBM rule. Well, it's FAITH. You can never fight that. Abstinence is GOOD, don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about these saintly believers here. It's about the hypocritical ones that I'm so pissed about.

Okay, enough about that already. What I'm saying is, I'm confused. Just a little. See what I told you about me never doing things just because I was taught not to? Well, I decided a long time ago that I would like to remain chaste until marriage, not because of the rule or what my parents told me, but because I just don't think it's a good idea for me. A lot of things can happen. You know, STD, AIDS, nwanted pregnancy!!!! There is no way I'd like to bring up a child before I'm way way ready!

But is it possible to be in a serious relationship, or married, without having sex first??

That's my ultimate question.

Cause just how unfair is that? on the woman part anyway.

The guys are told to "try on as many pants as possible before you decide to buy one".

And what do we women get? "He won't buy the cow, if he can get the milk for free"!!

I mean, jeeeessshhh!!!!!

And me, I don't really think I want to have SBM, so does that mean I'm doomed for life?

Well, not that I'm saying I'll never do IT, it depends really, when you see today's world.

Astrid said if the guy really wants you for keep, he'll understand.

But we already established that I'm way too sensible to really believe that.

Kate said, one day you'll meet someone with whom you'll feel really comfortable with, really FEEL, that's when you know. Yeah, the old "when you know, you know".

Not gonna happen to me, with the rate my luck's going.

sooo...

PROS

I might never get married if I don't (which I'm not sure I really want to)

Everybody's doing IT anyway (which is never EVER a good reason to do ANYTHING just because)

CONS

unwanted pregnancy

AIDS

STD

a sense of betrayal to oneself

There you go, I guess it's a NO for now.

But, whatever. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't.

In my heart and mind, doing It is just not an option right now (as if I have any serious BFwhom I'll do IT with. i don't even believe in steady boyfriend. Not until I'm 25,anyway. It's all about mindless datings now, thank you very much).

That's all I'm saying. I really don't wanna be a hypocrite; telling everyone no, but then actually do IT.

And I'm not saying it's bad either, am definitely not against it.

It's your own business, what right do I have to criticize anyone else?

But about these social phenomenon, this sex-before-marriage thing that really DO happen here..

I don't know. I think with the globalization, with all the infiltrated cultures and , people's morality starts to get looser and looser. Or maybe it's not a question of morality. Maybe it's all about basic human needs and freedom of acts. It's not about Eastern or Western now.

Because from my extensive talk with Kate that one day, and from my extensive reading as well, Western people used to have this rule as well, back in the early turn of the century. Living together without holy matrimony to bind a couple was once frowned upon, maybe until in the 50s. And then there was this one generation (the flower children, I think) who changes the social strata with its rules, and making those things a common practice.

So maybe Indonesia is in this kind of trantition phase (sorry about the maybes, haha), that soon there will be a generation who'll change and re-edify our social rules and practices. Then there will be sex ed in school, condoms ATM, and et cetera. Maybe.

But this movement, this transition will meet a great barrier : a certain religion here which has a very dominant an influential voice despite its old age and recent rifts between its people.

So what do you guys think?